Think about a time when you were extremely anxious--say,before standing up to publicly speak,raising your hand in a big meeting,or even walking through a room of strangers.The reason you felt small and scared and tense is you were worried about social disapproval.

Our fear of other people's opinions,or FOPO as I call it,has become an irrational and unproductive obsession in the modern world,and its negative effects reach far beyond performance.

If you start paying less and less attention to what makes you you--your talents,beliefs,and values-and start conforming to what others may or may not think,you' ll harm your potential.You’ll start playing it safe because you' re afraid of what will happen on the other side of the critique.You wont raise your hand when you can't control the outcome.You won't go for that promotion because you won't think you' re qualified.

Unfortunately,FOPO is part of the human condition since we' re operating with an ancient brain.A craving for social approval made our ancestors cautious and savvy;thousands of years ago,if the responsibility for the failed hunt fell on your shoulders,your place in the tribe could be threatened.

If you find yourself experiencing FOPO,there are ways to dampen the intensity of your stress responses.Once you' re aware of your thoughts,guide yourself toward confidence-building statements.These statements will help you focus on your skills and abilities rather than others' opinions.Take deep breaths,too.This will signal to your brain that you' re not in immediate danger.

But,if you really want to conquer FOPO,you’ll need to cultivate more self-awareness.If you want to be your best while being less fearful of people's opinions,you need to develop a stronger and much deeper sense of who you are.One way is to build your own personal philosophy.

I can't overstate how important a personal philosophy is.Working with NFL players,and senior leaders at Fortune 50 companies,I've noticed that,beyond a relentless pursuit of being their best,what makes these high performers great is their clear sense of the principles that guide them.Because of the clarity,they can shut out the noise and opinions of fans and media and listen to their own well-calibrated,internal compass.